XMAS SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, it's that special time of year again, XMAS! How much I used to love xmas, it meant lounging around doing nothing for weeks after school finished, whilst others prepared feasts of food actually worth eating, and the air conditioning proved man's inherent supremacy over nature. However, this xmas, I have noticed a change in the air. A putrid change for the worse. A change so terrible it has shaken those glorious memories of xmas past into, well, distant memories.

By the way, yes this is going to be a whinge and whine special! HIP HIP HOORAY FOR MY TROUBLES AND AGONIES! I HOPE YOU ALL SUFFER THEM 10 TIMES WORSE THAN I DO!!!

Bastards.

First of all, I'm working these holidays. In retail. That means I have to experience other people's xmas joys. OH THE SPLENDOUR OF IT ALL. What ever happened to love and affection being given  for xmas? Or hand made gifts that truly show how you feel about the person? In fact, I think I will make a gift for you, my loyal audience

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Now I have already described this to quit a few of my audience members, but I must say it again. There are certain types of shoppers, who are probably quite generous people, given their proportions. To put it politely they have a little bit of trouble fitting into the aisles. I generally don't have too much of a problem with this. However, this certain type of person also insists on bending over in a certain way. I liken it to going to the coast, and looking over the ocean, and all that you can see is the horizon. I hate people.

Figure 1: Anal-ogy of looking at fat people bend over (360^o panorama)

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Onto the important subject of xmas, and how it differs from "christmas." Xmas is the ultimate in modern western ideology, the supreme crowning glory of capitalism and consumerism. It is indeed the climax to which the preceding eleven months progress. Not only does it mark the end of a year, but also the end of an era, a year long era. You see, xmas is like everyone having a birthday at once - those who you care about get nice presents, but mere acquaintances get filled up with shitty little gifts that will only be used once - thus filling the gamut of retail splendour. Xmas is indeed a special time of the year. Even air conditioning salesmen get in on it!

Well I've run out of steam tonight. Must be this Sufi music I'm listening to... it's making me feel dizzy and like I've been running around in circles.

After reading this special, it's so bitter I no longer wonder as to why I don't need coffee in the morning. Then again, if it wasn't for people like you, I wouldn't be so bitter and twisted.