Fat Arse Diet Instruction Manual:

Hello there boys and girls, I'm a scientist from the Fat Arse Diet Laboratories. I'd like to introduce you to the Fat Arse Diet's scientific properties. The Fat Arse Diet takes advantage of the body's natural capacity to lose weight when starved, and also the organic laxative effects of the crappy food from your local corner store/hamburger joint. Now, I won't bore you with the technical details of this, but rather give you a summary of the digestive system (click on picture for source).

For complete success with the Fat Arse Diet, we recommend that you do not eat food unless someone else makes it for you - free of charge. This means that for the best results you need to have irritated people around you who will still care for you - even though at a level that just keeps you alive. To achieve this I recommend the soon to be released Bitching: Not just something that dogs and women can dotm .

Quick Success Guide

  1. Sit down and shut up!
  2. Don't eat unless someone else makes it for you or pays for it.
  3. If they do make it for you, make sure that it is of acceptable quality. If not, INTO THE BIN!
  4. Do not attempt to make food for yourself or others if it requires you to give up your favourite seat or the computer - this is especially valid for those of us with siblings living in the same house.
  5. Only ever pay for food if you are dying of hunger, and there just happens to be a food stall next to you.
  6. Do not go out in search of food - food can only be an incidental find.
    bulletAlso only eat at the first place you find - the others are too far away.
    bulletThis includes places where you wouldn't otherwise eat - you are on a diet after all
  7. More to come!