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Bitching: Not just something that dogs and women can dotmIntroduction:Bitching is an artform as ancient as womankind. I say this not to be sexist, as we all know that it is now more politically correct to refer to humans as womankind. The prefix "wo-" denotes a perfection that was largely unknown and kept secret until the 20th Century.Bitching is simply expressing rather poignantly your views of the world upon others. This, however, only happens when something is not going your way, or is threatening not to go your way. Bitching can also constitute revenge, perhaps the most delicate and sweetest of artforms. This is when something irretrievably in the past has not gone your way, and you must make amends to please the immortal gods in heaven (as Homer would put it). One classic example of this was one day where revenge was needed upon my dear flesh and blood. For some unmentionable crime, the gods of the pantry in this house decided that a full reconciliation (yes, it's not just for aborigines) was needed, and the goddess Dawn, fresh and rosy fingered, inspired me to this act. As the Achaeans avenged themselves on fair Illium, So did I avenge myself on unfair William. Early in the morn did he shower, Little did he realise I had the power. As William's great pride did shrivel, I malevolently took his Towel. Sensing the growing unease, This "poet" let in a cool breeze, The hot water running low, My bitching had dealt its greatest blow. I hope that this poem has helped bring the artistic nature of bitching to life. Needless to say, my bitching did mingle with revenge in this happy tale, and the results were spectacular. Some "people" have suggested to me to make a simple flow diagram about bitching. I think that this would be a good idea. Today (6th August 2003), walking through university I saw a most disturbing sign. It was for the "womyn's league" or some other such rubbish. Now I'm not sure exactly what these feminazis are out to prove apart from their inability to spell correctly, but it seems to me as though they view the term "women" as oxymoronical. How, I suppose they argue, can the things that are great in the world, summarised by the "wo," be combined with the things that are malevolent, tyrannical and, worst of all, patriarchal, in the world (the "men" part)? Therefore, they have decided to embark upon an exciting foray into linguistics, separating themselves from the mankind, and becoming "myn." I propose we call them "mynnie minors" from now on. Proposed Womyn's Flag:
MORE TO COME LATER WHEN I CAN BE BOTHERED! |
