Pussy Whipping

Al's Old Fashioned Guide to Pussy Whipping or: How to know who's wearing the pants.

Pussy whipping is a method of control known to womyn throughout the ages. It is an evil, evil thing that lets women take complete control of a man's life. First I'll show you a diagram of what pussy-whipping is.

As you can see, the pussy on the left has complete dominance over the poor soul on the right. She has so much dominance, in fact, that the man is left at the submissive state that all womyn aspire to. Note the look on her face - it simply demands "THOU SHALT NOT!" She even has control over the colours that the man perceives - everything is stuck in a dreaded combination of baby blue and baby pink. Yet also one should note on the man's face a certain sense of satisfaction, a sort of self-denial where he is telling himself that it is all worth it, alive with the dimming memories of what once was. It is truly a tragic scene.

Obviously this state of mind is disastrous to the self esteem of the man, and can lead to serious mental health problems. That is why, out of the altruism of my heart, I have decided to end this scourge on mankind. Now I'll give you a short checklist of signs that you are being pussy-whipped.

	Did you give up a free ticket to a killer band's concert to show up at a girl's birthday party?
	Did you stop going out?
	Did you stop admiring nature's wonderful scenery?
	Is your girlfriend female? (note: the random racist comment has been removed coz everyone kept on complaining about it even after I explained it was just there to check if you actually read my pages rather than saying yes)
	Did you delete all of your pornography? (remember that pornography is the ultimate in capitalism - everyone in it is out to get the most bang for their buck, and therefore is an admirable and desirable thing to possess)
	Do you listen to techno music and find it calming?
	Do you feel drawn to a girl even when you have no reason to be?
	Did your girlfriend suddenly turn into Barbara Streisand?

If you answered yes to many of the above questions, it is more than likely that you are being pussy-whipped.

Now for the important part - how to cure yourself of this dire predicament. The simplest and easiest way to do this is to hire a prostitute. You don't even need to do anything with her. This is simply so that you can know firsthand how cheap and easy it is to get pussy. It is said that prostitution is the oldest profession. My reasoning is that this is because women who couldn't pussy whip needed some way to survive. So they simply sold themselves at a cheaper rate to men who were tired of the same old process of giving in to a woman's every whim and desire.

Another way to cure yourself is now illegal, but was popular back in the good old days. This is called "physical abuse." Just slap her if she misbehaves. Put back on the pants in your relationship. Hold them up with the belt that was once used to whip you into submission.